The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
