oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
