I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
