so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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