i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
