The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
