I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
