either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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