And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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