bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
as a side note pls kill me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
