LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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