that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
