You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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