"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
