Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
