Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Success! We fucked roommates!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
