we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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