She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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