Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
