dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
