Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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