Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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