I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
