im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
