the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
