some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
