Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
