Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
