If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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