I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
