Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
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