well I can't set my house on fire every night
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dick very happy bro
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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