at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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