Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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