you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize