I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
