Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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