Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
