you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
