ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
