Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
