she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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