I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
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