I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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