if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
