Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
