Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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