My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
