I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My vagina is very pro this idea
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
