That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
