There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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