i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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