Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
