Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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