im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
