okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
