Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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