He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
