It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
