The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
