my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
