I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
