just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
