New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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