there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
