why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
