That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
