the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
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