She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
