I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
