It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
