I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
