Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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