so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So vagazzling was a success
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
