Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
