No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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