so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize